Dep etiquette: how to get asked back

Somebody you half know messages you on a Tuesday. Can you do the 14th, five-piece, wedding, two sets, their keys player is away. You can. You play well, you get through the night, you drive home.

Whether you ever hear from that band again is decided by about nine small things, and only one or two of them happened on stage.

That is the awkward truth about depping. The playing gets you the first gig. The admin — the replying, the turning up, the not needing to be managed — is what gets you the second, the fifth and the standing invitation. This is the dep's side of the etiquette: before, on the night, and after.

If you want the definitions and the mechanics first — what the word means, who confirms a dep, what the band is supposed to send you — that is what is a dep. This post assumes you know all that and want to be the one they call first.

What actually gets a dep asked back?

Ask a bandleader why they keep using somebody and you rarely get an answer about musicianship. You get answers about friction.

• They answered the first message within a few hours, with a yes or a no.
• They asked their questions all at once, not in six separate messages over four days.
• They turned up when they said they would, with the gear they said they would bring.
• They knew the material well enough to look up from it.
• They were pleasant to be around for the three hours that are not playing.
• Nothing about the night had to be explained to them twice.

None of that is hard. All of it is noticeable, because the alternative is somebody the band has to carry through an evening on top of doing their own jobs. A band remembers how much attention you cost them far longer than it remembers your fills.

What should you ask before you say yes?

Before you commit, you need enough to know that you can actually do it well — not just that the date is free.

• The venue and its postcode, not "near Bath". The postcode is what tells you the real journey and the real time you are leaving.
• The call time and the finish, including how long the get-out usually takes. "Done by midnight" and "packed and away by one" are different nights.
• The sets: how many, how long, and what the set list is.
• The material and the keys. Recordings, charts, a live video, anything. And specifically what differs from the original.
• The dress code, in words rather than a mood.
• What is provided — PA, backline, drums, in-ears — and what is on you.
• The money: the fee, whether travel is on top, who is paying you and roughly when.

Ask in one message. Ask before agreeing, not after. And if the answers do not come, treat that as information: a band that cannot tell you its own call time three weeks out will not have sent you the running order by the night.

On the money, the person to settle it with is usually the member you are covering rather than the band itself, because in most UK function bands the band pays the member and the member pays the dep. The arithmetic of that, and why your postcode rather than theirs is the one that matters for travel, is what a dep actually costs you, and who pays whom. Read it once and you will never have an awkward conversation about dep money again.

What to do in the week before

The week before is where the good deps separate themselves, and almost all of it is unglamorous.

Learn their version. Not the record. The band has decided on keys, endings, which verse is cut, who takes the solo and where the stops are. Playing the original instead is a solo decision that creates work for four other people in front of a paying audience. Where there is no recording of the band, ask what is different and write it on the chart.

Mark up a chart you can read in a dark room. Keys, running order, segues, the two songs that always change, the first dance. You will not be given a music stand light.

Read the day sheet properly. Timings, parking, load-in, who to ring when you are outside a locked service door. If nobody has sent you one, ask — and if the band keeps proper ones, you will get the same sheet the regular members get. There is a whole post on what a good day sheet contains, and it is a fair test of how a band runs.

Plan the journey backwards from the call time, with the Saturday traffic in it, and tell the person who booked you what time you expect to arrive. If it is a long drive, say so early rather than apologising later.

Send one short confirmation two or three days out. Date, venue, what time you will be there, what you are bringing. It takes a minute and it stops the quiet worry that the dep has forgotten.

How to be on the night

The actual etiquette is almost all about taking up the right amount of space.

Arrive earlier than you need to. Nothing buys goodwill like being parked and loaded in while the band is still worrying about you.

Help with the load-in and the get-out. You are not a guest. The get-out is the part everybody hates, and a dep who disappears to the bar while four people shift the PA is remembered as precisely that.

Dress to the brief, and bring the spare of whatever you own one of.

Follow, do not redesign. If the band counts it in faster than you learned it, go with it. If the running order changes between sets, change with it. Suggestions are for the drive home, not the bandstand.

Let the band deal with the client. You are not the one to discuss the fee, agree an extra half hour, or promise anything to a parent of the bride. Smile, be pleasant, and point any question at whoever is running the night.

Be careful at the free bar. The band's reputation with that venue and that agency is not yours to spend.

Say thank you to the person who booked you before you drive off. Face to face, once, briefly.

What should you do after the gig?

Two short messages, and then patience.

The first is on the night or the next morning: thanks, enjoyed it, happy to cover again any time. That one line is the single highest-return thing a dep does, because it moves you from "somebody we used once" to a name with a willingness attached.

The second is the money, handled calmly. If you were told you would be paid when the band pays out, wait for that date and then ask once, politely, to the person who booked you. Chasing a member before the band has paid them is the quickest way to be a problem rather than a solution — and if you send invoices, send yours promptly rather than three months later with no reference. A dep who is easy to pay gets asked again.

Then send nothing else. No follow-ups about further work, no availability broadcasts. Be reachable and be quiet.

What quietly gets a dep not asked again

Nothing dramatic, usually. The list is depressingly ordinary:

• going silent after saying yes, so somebody has to check you are still coming
• turning up at the latest possible minute, every time
• not knowing the material well enough to look up
• rearranging your part live, or trying to lift the arrangement
• cancelling late for anything short of a genuine emergency
• taking the client's or the agency's attention for yourself
• being hard work to settle up with

Any one of them is survivable. Two in one night and the band simply goes back to the list and picks the next name, and nobody tells you why.

Being on the list

Most working function bands keep a short dep pool — the players who have covered each chair and would be welcome back. That list is the whole game. It is where the band looks first, it is short, and it is built out of exactly the behaviour above.

Some bands formalise it: a member asks you, you accept, and whoever runs the band confirms you as a verified dep for that band, so next time there is a name to go to rather than a search that starts from nothing. If a band you have covered does that, say yes to it. It costs you nothing and it puts you at the front of the queue.

In Event Band Manager this is how it works from a dep's side: the offer arrives, you accept it from your phone, and you see that gig with its day sheet and set list and nothing else of that band's business. Your travel is worked out from your own postcode, your gig sits on your own diary alongside everything else you play, and the band keeps you on its list for next time. There is more on the player's side on the page for musicians, and the full list of what the app does is on features.

The short version

Reply quickly. Ask everything at once, before you agree. Learn their arrangements, not the record. Arrive early, help with the gear, follow the band, leave the client to them. Thank the person who booked you. Be easy to pay.

Do that and the fifth gig arrives without you asking for it — which, on the function circuit, is what a career actually looks like.